TOP 50 VILLAINS OF MARVEL

We sort of have a love/hate relationship with the Disney Villains. We love them because they do all kinds of deliciously evil things that involve epic song and dance numbers and sarcastic one-liners. Then of course, we have to dislike them when they put our heroes or heroines in peril. You can imagine then, that at the end of our favorite Disney stories, we have some mixed feelings about seeing the villain go.  So that got us thinking—what would those stories be like if the Rapunzels and Aladdins of the world didn’t prevail? What would happen if the Disney villains actually won? Here’s what we think might have happened:

Jafar

The most powerful sorcerer in the world AND the sultan of Agrabah? That’s a power combination we don’t want to get behind. We suggest the residents of Agrabah move ASAP.

Ursula

We bet Ursula would start throwing all those fantastical feasts she used to have when she lived in the palace. But after a while, she would turn all the rest of the mermaid citizens into those creepy worms and life would get pretty boring.

Scar

If Scar won, we imagine the lionesses would be out of there, leaving Scar with no food, no water, and a bunch of angry hyenas. Now that we think about it, it probably wouldn’t have worked out for Scar either way.

Mother Gothel

We assume it it would be business as usual at Mother Gothel’s tower. Except Rapunzel would be really sad with no Flynn around to cheer her up (no, we are not crying right now, we just got something in our eye).

Yzma

Since she would now be the Empress, we imagine Yzma would rule over everyone, wear fabulous clothes, and eat Kronk’s appetizers (except his spinach puffs).

Gaston

We’re guessing if Gaston was successful, he would take over the Beast’s castle. Knowing his sense of style, we imagine he’d redecorate with antlers and all of his trophies. Egg diet would remain the same.

Lady Tremaine

Things would probably remain the same at the Tremaine household. Cinderella would still be dreaming, the stepsisters would still be bratty, and Lady Tremaine would still be evil.

Maleficent

If the mistress of all evil won, Prince Philip would be locked in her dungeon and Aurora, along with the entire kingdom, would be asleep. Maybe she would stage the ultimate sleepover and laugh at all the sleeping gentry.

Dr. Facilier

If he finally got over those fat cats who don’t give him as much as a sideways glance, we think Dr. Facilier would upgrade his creepy voodoo lair. Maybe he would get one of those beautiful houses in New Orleans and eat lots of beignets.

Hades

Hades would be sitting on high at Mount Olympus, probably toasting his win and getting a tan (the underworld doesn’t get much sunlight).

Evil Queen

She would finally be the fairest one of all… until the next beautiful maiden came along.

If the Disney Villains Won

Nine out of ten scientists* agree: watching Finding Nemo is the equivalent of earning a doctorate in marine biology. So put away those bio textbooks and actual science materials, and dive into these marine life lessons from Nemo, Dory, and the other talking fish. Maybe this science isn’t conventional, but it’s really entertaining which is just as important.

*By “scientists,” we mean “Oh My Disney staffers who passed a couple of high school science class back in the day.”

Exhibit A: Pacific Cleaner Shrimp sanitizes young clownfish.

A quick spin cycle usually does the trick.

Exhibit B: Regal tang and clownfish find temporary shelter inside bill of pelican.

Just add water!

Exhibit C: Great white shark does not demonstrate qualities of a mindless eating machine.

In other words, fish are friends, not food.

Exhibit D: Yellow tang manifests obsession with artificially created bubbles.

Do not even lay eyes on them. Highly addictive.

Exhibit E: Regal tang is multilingual.

Languages include: English, Whale, and conversational Orca.

Exhibit F: School of moonfish displays high level of directional intelligence.

Plus exquisite grace and coordination.

Exhibit G: School of fish attends school on back of blue and white spotted eagle ray.

And all new explorers must answer a science question.

Exhibit H: Blue tang navigates through smack of jellyfish with bouncing technique.

A “smack” is indeed the correct term for a group of jellyfish. The sea is indeed full of mystery.

Exhibit I: Darla.

Repeat after us: “Find a happy place. Find a happy place.”

Everything We Know About Marine Biology We Learned from Finding Nemo

Ever since you were a wee tot, the magic of Disney and Disney•Pixar movies has been tickling the very edges of your imagination. You may have grown up in spite of your best efforts, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still remember your Disney childhood and feel like a kid all over again. Prepare to surf a tidal wave of nostalgia right back to the days when you couldn’t tie your own shoes.

Remember when…

Peter Pan and Tinker Bell taught the Darling kids to fly, and you firmly believed that with enough faith, trust, and pixie dust, you could fly, too?

Kala promised tiny Tarzan that he would always be in her heart, and it almost felt like she was talking directly to you?

You and your siblings reenacted “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” in your living room by jumping from one piece of furniture to the next as though you were on the water peg obstacle course?

Topsy Turvy Day in The Hunchback of Notre Dame seemed like the wildest, most fun festival of all time, especially when everyone joined in for the big final chorus of “Here it is, the moment you’ve been waiting for”?

Baloo first reminded you to focus on the “Bare Necessities” of life via a toe-tapping, tongue-twisting jam that you never stopped singing, and you decided to pretend to be a bear for the foreseeable future?

The idea of owning one hundred and one dalmatian puppies delighted you to no end and you relentlessly begged your parents to open their minds to the idea?

Ariel and her grotto made you wish you were a mermaid with a carefully cultivated collection of thingamabobs and the most beautiful singing voice ever?

How about when…

Pocahontas made you want to go canoeing, only you had no canoe so instead you sat in a laundry basket and used a spatula as your paddle?

You watched Toy Story for the first time and fell in love with the idea that your toys were just as crazy about you as you were about them, and you ran around wearing a cowboy hat singing “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” to anyone who would listen and some who would not?

You watched Snow White command an army of helpful woodland creatures, and anytime you had to pick up your toys thereafter you wished there were 80% more animals helping you?

You watched Aladdin for the first time and sang “Friend Like Me” nonstop for weeks, putting your heart and soul most ardently into the “waaa waa waaaaa (waa waaaa)” part?

Belle wished on a dandelion with perfect technique, and you spent hours in your backyard trying to recreate it?

Cinderella made you seriously consider the viability of making tiny clothes for mice and leaving them around in hopes that they might find them?

You watched The Fox and the Hound, and you and your best friend decided to start calling each other Todd and Copper?

Baby Hercules got baby Pegasus for his birthday, and all you wanted for your next birthday was a baby Pegasus of your very own?

You got major chills the first time you saw the sun rising over the savanna during “The Circle of Life” (and you still do every time you watch it)?

Alice taught you about unbirthdays, and you’ve been celebrating them ever since?

Powerline was your favorite musical act of all time?

Mickey’s antics in his role as the sorcerer’s apprentice in Fantasia made you fall in love with him?

Bambi’s attempts to skate on the ice resulted in the most adorable failure the world has ever known, until he was helped by his trusty friend Thumper?

Dumbo and his mama linked trunks and you were flooded with more emotions than you knew what to do with?

Lady and Tramp had puppies and they were an adorable mixture of little Ladies and a little Tramp?

You tried to teach your pets to play the piano in an effort to recreate “Scales and Arpeggios” while simultaneously instilling in them some culture?

We Bet We Can Make You Feel Nostalgic

If there’s one thing we love more than watching Disney•Pixar films, it’s learning fun facts about Disney•Pixar films. So, the next time you’re having a movie night, here are some little-known facts to impress all of your friends with:

In the beginning of Up, Charles Muntz stands on the same stage used in the Disney•Pixar short, Presto.

All the world’s a stage … that you can use again in another film.

For Cars, the filmmakers brought in a broadcast sports director to help advise the racing scenes.

Authenticity is the key to making any Disney•Pixar film amazing.

The original working title of WALL•E was Trash Planet.

Considering WALL•E’s Earth is a planet covered in trash, it totally makes sense.

To model the teeth of characters in The Incredibles, the animators took pictures of people’s toothy grins around the studio.

Can you imagine being the teeth model for Edna Mode? That’s a lot of pressure.

The animators created age progression charts using the school photos of John Lasseter’s sons to help make Andy’s aging believable in Toy Story 3.

We’re really glad our embarrassing school photos are safely hidden in the depths of our parents’ basements.

At a point in Ratatouille’s development, Remy had a mother named Desiree.

When the story became more about the relationship between Remy and his dad, the character was cut.

Andrew Stanton and Bob Peterson thought of the idea for Nemo’s Tank Gang initiation during a car trip.

Staton and Peterson would drive from Pixar’s offices in Emeryville to Los Angeles for talent voice recordings. During their travels, they would work out story ideas, and this hilarious scene was imagined during one such trip.

Originally, Toy Story was conceived as a half-hour Christmas special for television.

We’re extremely grateful that they decided to make it a full-length feature film.

Carl and Ellie’s house number is 18, which is the same as Pete Docter’s grandparents’ house.

Cue the awws.

For the classic Disney intro before Brave, the filmmakers thought about changing the castle to castle DunBroch.

While we love the Disney castle, we think it would’ve been fun to see Merida’s castle at the beginning!

All the child screams in Monsters, Inc. were supplied by the animators’ kids.

That’s the ultimate “Bring Your Kid To Work Day” activity.

Mater’s name was inspired by a real NASCAR fan.

John Lasseter met Douglas ”Mater” Keever on one of his research trips to the Charlotte Motor Speedway. When Keever met Lasseter, he introduced himself the same way Mater does in the film (“My name’s Ta-Mater, but without the Ta”) and the rest is history.

In case you missed any Disney news this week, we have conveniently gathered it all up and placed it here for your perusal.

1. We released a video celebrating the birth of Her Royal Highness, Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. It turns out that some of our favorite Disney babies were just as excited as we were to welcome the princess to the world.

2. Although we’re sad that Phineas and Ferb has to end in June, Disney XD has announced that the co-creators of the show, Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh will be back with a new series in 2017: Mike Murphy’s Law! It centers on the fictional great-great-great-great grandson of the original Murphy’s Law namesake.

3. The Muppets are coming to ABC with a new series and have been releasing a series of videos from their YouTube Space takeover. (The latest one features Josh Groban!)

4. Disney Infinity 3.0 was announced and will feature Star Wars characters in the Toy Box!

5. Luke Evans tweeted a photo of himself and Josh Gad in the recoding studio, singing “Gaston” for the upcoming live-action version of Beauty and the Beast. They’re going to play Gaston and LeFou respectively!

Which of these upcoming projects are you most excited for? Tell us in the comments!

5 Disney Things You Need to Know This Week