According to ScreenGeek Disney is not only bracing themselves for Solo: A Star Wars Story to be a critical dud but also prepares itself for it being a bomb. Most apparently due to the lead actor.
And here we go again.
Another day, another Star Wars story. And just like most Star Wars related news recently this one is sure to raise some eyebrows as well. According to an “anonymous source close to the film” the newest entry in the Star Wars franchise titled “Solo: A Star Wars Story” is supposed to be a mess. But read the sources thoughts for yourself: “Disney is bracing themselves for the Han Solo movie to bomb. They were worried about it before all The Last Jedi controversy, but now they’re essentially writing Solo off. The lead actor, Alden Ehrenreich, can’t act, and they had a dialogue coach on hand for all of his scenes. On top of that, the script is unworkable. It’s going to be a car crash.” Now, obviously this should be taken with a huge grain of salt. Not only is the source anonymous but also it’s doubtfull that Disney would let out any piece of information like that without having their elite-sniper squad informed.
However this information does not come as much of a surprise given recent reports of an acting coach being hired to help Ehrenreich deliver a believable performance and Howard apparently having reshot over 70% of the movie.
Not only are these reports pretty damning but also some people are adding the lack of promotional material for the movie as further evidence of the movie being already written off.
Remember: this movie is opening in about 5 months. At least a teaser trailer would have been possible to be put out by now, however none in sight so far. Also pictures are rare, we only have Instagram photos, none of wich featuring Ehrenreich (wich further leads people to believe the rumors about his lacking performance might be true) and no official ones.
What do you think? Will “Solo: A Star Wars Story” bomb? Will it be as divisive as “The Last Jedi”? Or will it be the smash hit Disney isn’t expecting?
Microsoft has decided to pull the trigger and promote the boss of Minecraft to take charge as the chief executive for strategizing Microsoft’s line-up of games across the company’s platforms, which includes the Xbox One and the Xbox One X for the foreseeable future.
VentureBeat is reporting that the man in question is none other than Matt Booty, who was previously the business leader in charge of Microsoft’s Minecraft division under Microsoft Studios. He’s now working as the vice president in strategy for video game development and publishing.
The way it’s going to work now is that Matt Booty will answer directly to the head of the Xbox games department, Phil Spencer. Booty will be in charge of elevating Microsoft’s publishing arm and getting more games into the pipeline and out to customers.
Booty’s previous role will be occupied by Helen Chiang, who will now oversee the development of Mojang’s Minecraft brand under the Microsoft banner. Booty was originally appointed the role back when Microsoft bought up Mojang’s studio and the Minecraft intellectual property back in 2014 for $2.5 billion.
But, now it’s not just a single studio that Booty will have to oversee. There will be multiple studios with multiple projects that the executive will have a say-so over, ranging from 343 Industries and the Halo franchise to Killer Instinct, to Sea of Thieves at Rare, to the Forza Motorsport franchise headed up by Turn 10 Studios and Playground Games, to The Coalition and the Gears of War franchise.
Maintaining what’s there is one task, but the real challenge for Booty is building what isn’t there: new intellectual properties.
Microsoft had an opportunity with Scalebound to create something large and dynamic for the Xbox brand from the highly lauded Platinum Games, but the company forfeited those endeavors by canceling Scalebound. It was a move that sent shock waves through the gaming community, who had grown attached to the concept of the game.
Original titles like Scalebound could really help Microsoft out of its funk, especially given that Nintendo is fast catching up to the install base of the Xbox One with the Nintendo Switch. The Switch’s library of original, high-quality exclusives have set it apart from everything else on the market, and so it’s a do or die situation for Microsoft.
In fact, the above is literally Booty’s philosophy: that they live and die by the great games they make. So, having a content guy in the role will be key for the success of future software publishing on the Xbox brand, and it sounds like the company may have the right man for the right position.
Now, let’s see how well Booty can take advantage of this promotion while aiming to bring new and compelling software to the Xbox platforms. The real test will be what Microsoft demonstrates at this year’s and next year’s E3, as we’ll have a gauge on if the company will allow Booty to leverage his executive powers to refocus the Xbox One and Xbox One X on worthwhile exclusives.
CHESTERFIELD COUNTY, Va. — Twelve-year-old Isabelle Szczerbinski is a bit of a Minecraft master.
In the game Minecraft, you use your skill to build better worlds.
“I think Minecraft is important because it’s a strategy game,” Isabelle said. “You can do whatever you like. You can get as many blocks as you want. You can build anything.”
She can also tell you why she likes the game in French, Polish, and Mandarin Chinese (her favorite).
Isabelle is a profoundly-gifted 12-year old homeschooler from Midlothian, Virginia who has won multiple national awards for her language skills.
Isabelle has lobbied Congress for funding public school language education with LanguagePolicy.org, meeting with the staffs of U.S. Senators Tim Kaine and Mark Warner.
A US-China Strong Student Ambassador, Isabelle recently did a presentation (entirely in Mandarin) to a 6th grade class in Chengdu, China on daily life for children in the U.S. and China.
In December, Isabelle received the national People-to-People award at the Confucius Institute Gala in Washington D.C. and delivered the acceptance speech on behalf of all the honorees.
“Only 18 percent of American kids learn a second language,” she told the audience. “In China and Europe, almost all kids are exposed to second languages. We need to do better.”
Isabelle said she hoped to one day be a diplomat or translator.
“Once you understand someone; you understand their culture, you understand their background, where they’re from; you just get along better,” Isabelle said. “I think that if everyone could do that, we’d have a more peaceful world.”
Isabelle also appears in the newly released film, Permanent, with Rainn Wilson and Patricia Arquette.
She also appeared on Lifetime’s Child Genius (Season 1) with NASA astronaut and University of Richmond graduate Leland Melvin.
In February, Isabelle will join renowned chef Peter Chang at his restaurant in Williamsburg in a class teaching people how to make dumplings. She’s become friends with the famed chef and his wife.
She met them through her affiliation with the Confucius Institute U.S. Center.
One of weirdest Pokémon spin-offs yet is being released in the West after all, but sadly without the voice of Danny DeVito.
It can often be frustrating defending Pokémon against people that haven’t played the mainline games and their often surprisingly good spin-offs. But we have to admit that even we don’t understand what’s going on with Detective Pikachu.
The game was originally released in Japan two years ago, to no particular acclaim, and yet for some reason it’s getting a live action film adaptation staring Ryan Reynolds. There was also a 40,000-strong petition to get Danny DeVito to do the voiceover for the English version of the game but, as you can hear in the trailer below, he said no.
The reason the game has got so much attention is that it involves a talking pikachu, rather than one that just keeps saying his name over and over, so there’s actually a proper story for once.
The plot involves the deerstalker-waring pokémon teaming up with a human whose dad has gone missing, in what is essentially a point ‘n’ click adventure game.
As you can see, the graphics are really good considering this is only on the 3DS. But reviews from Japan suggest the gameplay and story are rather simplistic, and a bit boring.
According to Hugh Jackman, he’s completely done with playing Wolverine. As he has long promised, Logan is his swan song – and a fitting one it is – and he’s off to put his body through considerably less strain for more pleasant roles. The world of comic book movies is a poorer place for his loss, and there will be some – including his Logan director James Mangold – who believe he shouldn’t be recast at all.
Luckily though, Fox aren’t complete idiots. They may have struggled to make a good Fantastic Four movie three times and some of their X-Men releases have been patchy at best, but they know the strength in the Wolverine brand. They know he is their blue chip commodity, and dropping him from the bill would be like Warner Bros putting Batman on ice. It’s just not going to happen.
So what happens next? Does the studio set about trying to find someone who will be able to perform as Hugh Jackman playing Wolverine, for the sake of a smoother transition? Do they go bold and cast against type and reimagine the character? Do they simply promote X-23 to the leading role? (They shouldn’t, she deserves her own movies).
What everything boils down to now is one over-arching, massively important question. Who replaces Jackman as Wolverine?
12. Iwan Rheon
Obviously, the Inhumans casting is rather unfortuitous for anyone who wants to see Game Of Thrones’ best villain Iwan Rheon going berserk as Wolverine, but it might not be entirely fatal. Marvel villains have a habit of dying off, after all, and there’s no saying he’s even necessarily tied in for multiple seasons of the show.
Without all of those logistical issues, Rheon would make an exceptional candidate for Wolverine, provided fans can shake off the ghosts of Ramsay Bolton. He might find himself cast as villains for a while after doing so well in that show, but it’s worth remembering that he started in a more heroic role on Misfits, and experience counts.
It would be far more interesting to see a new Wolverine with more ambiguous morality than Hugh Jackman’s staight-laced grump could really offer once he was moved into his leadership position, and having Rheon’s darker influence in there would offer an entirely different dynamic.
11. Ben Foster
There’s a good case for Ben Foster being the most talented, under-appreciated actor currently working in Hollywood: he is a genre-hopping chameleon, adept with comedy, horror, villainous roles and heroic ones, and he comes with a ready made bubbling fury that is a fundamental part of Wolverine’s genetics.
Like all of his fellow candidates here, he works remarkably well with more intense roles, he’s familiar with dark-sided characters and he has enough charm to keep Wolverine’s anti-heroism just the right side of good. He’d arguably be the best candidate if Fox decide to introduce Wolverine as an antagonist first and then face turn him later. And he deserves an opportunity for a meatier leading man role.
He’s already been in an X-Men movie, of course, but he was horribly miscast – and even more horribly under-used – as Angel in X-Men: The Last Stand. For that alone he deserves another shot as a mutant.
10. Kristofer Hivju
With most of Game Of Thrones’ cast probably coming to the end of their contracts very soon, studios would do well to put them to work to try and capture some of the fandom’s affection for the character roles they’ve just left.
One of the more intriguing figures on the Westeros cast is Kristofer Hivju – Tormund Giantsbane in the show – who could either disappear into Scandinavian dramas for the rest of his career and make a solid living, or play supporting level villains in Hollywood (as he is in the new Fast & Furious). It sounds cruel, but Hollywood knows how to typecast his breed of actor, in a way that will reduce his obvious talent to something like the level of a Jason Statham.
But he could do so much more: his Wilding wildman in Game Of Thrones is a low-key fan favourite, and beyond mighty facial hair, he also boasts the right sort of intensity, physical power and mischievous charm that could make Wolverine the interesting side character he should be relaunched as initially.
9. Jack O’Connell
Having kicked off his career in the excellent British show Skins, Jack O’Connell has gone about cementing his status as one of the UK’s brightest rising stars (even if Money Monster wasn’t quite as good as he would have hoped). His true break-out came with Starred Up, a brutal portrait of modern prison corruption from behind bars.
You can almost see Wolverine’s back-story in Starred Up’s victim-creating: O’Connell’s Eric is as much a prisoner of his own vulnerability and emotional turmoil as he is the cage that holds him. He’s a monster, defined by violence and hewn for its inevitability, but he carries dark mysteries, just as Wolverine does.
O’Connell has proven himself to be particularly adept at that sort of frenetic, intense performance, and if Fox look to cast young, he would make as impressive a candidate as Iwan Rheon.
8. Rory McCann
As soon as The Hound is killed in Game Of Thrones (of course it’s going to happen, he’s a character in Westeros), it’s likely Rory McCann will be inundated with offers to play intelligent hardmen, competing with the likes of Ray Stevenson for similar roles, or lumped with imposing supporting roles in genre films. He deserves better, and there’s a lot of Wolverine in The Hound’s make-up.
His relationship with Arya while it lasted was as uneasy and as perversely patriarchal as Wolverine’s relationship with Rogue, and his predilection to violence, despite being surprisingly eloquent given the opportunity could easily have been modelled on Logan.
McCann would be a completely different prospect to the majority of the others on this list, chiefly because of his massive size, but he’s basically already proved that he can play the character, so he’s got to be worth an outside consideration.
7. Aaron Taylor-Johnson
After appearances in both Avengers: Age Of Ultron and two Kick-Ass flicks, Aaron Taylor-Johnson qualifies as something of a veteran of the genre, but he’s never had a role he can get his chops into as well as Wolverine.
Though the Englishman started with more clean-cut roles (even in a film as outrageous as Kick-Ass), he has blossomed into a more interesting character actor more recently, taking on more challenging roles. And you can see from his recent work – particularly in Nocturnal Animals – that he suits darker, more explosive material.
He’d suit an agenda by Fox to introduce a more leading-man-type Wolverine while simultaneously catering to the demons of the character in a darkly charismatic way.
6. Walton Goggins
Anyone even remotely familiar with Walton Goggins’ work will know that he is at his best with intense material that allows him to channel his wilder side. He plays great villains, but he has a sort of off-kilter charisma that works well for anti-heroes too – as The Hateful Eight proved.
He’s also a very gifted actor, perhaps limited more to genre roles because of his look and his predilection for grander characterisation, with a lot of interesting work coming up (not least Three Christs with Peter Dinklage and History series SIX). The physical requirements might appear to be beyond him, but he has some previous, and he’s just stepped into Joe Mangianello’s boots for SIX playing a Seal team leader, so he’s obviously got something about him.
Goggins would be a particularly good choice if Fox decide to introduce Wolverine as a villain initially, and he’d definitely fit the requirement to not have him strong-arm his way into a leadership role again.
5. Trevante Rhodes
Now that Moonlight has picked up a surprising but heart-warming Best Picture victory at the Oscars, all of the talent involved should see their profiles sky-rocket. Barry Jenkins, Naomie Harris, and Mahershala Ali already won’t be shy of offers, but the newer cast members are likely to find their agents are far busier than they’ve ever been.
Trevante Rhodes has now leapt firmly into the Rising Star bracket, with both The Predator and war drama Horse Soldiers (for newcomer director Nicolai Fuglsig) coming in 2018, and there is definitely something in the intensity in his performance as Chiron that suggests he’d translate well to powerful, action-heavy performances.
Fox should steal a march on the other comic book film-makers who will no doubt come sniffing, and strike a blow for progressive characterisation by completely changing Wolverine. No better way to distance themselves from Jackman than to make Wolverine a black man.
4. Jake Gyllenhaal
Gyllenhaal has come a long way since he auditioned to play Christopher Nolan’s Batman. Even then he would probably have come across as too refined and too light-weight to play the character (Christian Bale’s American Psycho history made him the most interesting candidate), but he’s an entirely different actor now.
He’s quietly gone about ascending the Hollywood ladder, making a string of great films since Batman Begins with Brokeback Mountain, Jarhead, Zodiac, Brothers, Source Code, Prisoners, Enemy, Nightcrawler, Southpaw and Nocturnal Animals all wowing. And the thing that keeps improving as he does is his flair for intense roles with a hotline on emotion.
He’s also proved himself able to bulk for roles, and he would suit the wiry, skinned dog look Jackman was sporting at his physical peak for The Wolverine. He might not quite have the cocky charm, but there have been flashes of the necessary bravado before (and it’s not like stage musical star Jackman had a great deal of specific experience when he stepped into the role).
3. Norman Reedus
As he’s so expertly proven in The Walking Dead (and probably Boon Dock Saints too), Reedus has a particular flair for outsider types with the kind of cool that fans lap up. Even when the material hasn’t been up to much, Reedus has fashioned a cult mythology about himself that would suit a new take on Wolverine too.
Imagine him playing Logan as a brusque, cold drifter – the image we were fed of him initially in Bryan Singer’s X-Men – rather than the more heroic leader he would later become in the movie franchise. Wolverine needs to channel his nastier genes again, and that would only work in the hands of an actor who could blur the lines of villainy and still remain likeable.
In the absence of Jon Bernthal thanks to The Punisher, Reedus is the actor most qualified for that particular angle.
2. Joe Mangianello
He might already be ear-marked for Deathstroke in The Batman, but that is absolutely not a certainty at this stage, given the well-publicised issues with that production. Who is to say that Matt Reeves won’t want to start his own story, and that screen test will ultimately end up the only time Mangianello even gets to put the costume on?
Arguably what makes the Magic Mike actor such a good prospect for Wovlerine is the same as why he’d make a good, charismatic Deathstroke: he has the hulking size, he has disarming charm and he has a sort of snark that suits both characters. Though he has superhero good looks, there’s no way he could play a boy scout hero: he’s got anti-hero written all over him, and they don’t come more credible or more challenging than Wolverine.
1. Tom Hardy
Seriously though, who better?
There’s a pretty compelling argument that Tom Hardy could play any comic book character on screen and nail the role. He’d be an intriguing Batman, a psychopathic Joker, an eloquent, violent Riddler, a charming, twinkle-eyed Superman… He’s a transformative actor, after all, whose performances are far more complex than the mumbling hulk he threatened to become around the time he played Bane.
Most interestingly for fans of Wolverine, Hardy has an intangible otherness – a manner like Michael Keaton’s that suggests he’s not quite of this world – which he combines with a Bondian refined accent and mischief in his eyes that would fit Wolverine’s cult anti-hero status. And he’d also fit the size requirements: reclaiming Wolverine’s bulk after Jackman slimmed down somewhat for his later roles.
Obviously he’d look silly in yellow spandex, but so would everyone else on this list, and the most compelling case for his employment as the new Wolverine comes down to his irresistible screen presence, his charisma and his likeability factor even when playing killers. Someone at Fox needs to get the ball rolling on this one immediately.
No longer content just to take characters and backstories from Marvel’s back catalog, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has taken to adapting entire comic book arcs. Captain America: Winter Soldier and Civil War started as comic storylines. Thor: Ragnarok borrows liberally from World War Hulk. Avengers: Infinity War, the culmination of everything the MCU’s accomplished so far, started life as Jim Starlin, George Pérez, and Ron Lim’s cosmic epic Infinity Gauntlet.
But not every comic book storyline is well-suited to the silver screen, and some won’t ever see a live-action translation. Some are too violent. Some deal with controversial content, or carry unsettling sexual undertones. A few are just too dang weird for a mainstream movie studio. Whatever the cause, don’t expect to see these tales unfold in the theater until Marvel, Fox, and Sony run entirely out of ideas—and even then, don’t hold your breath.
The Ultimates
Structurally, The Avengers borrows a lot from Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch’s first Ultimates run. At the beginning, the superheroes bicker among themselves, fighting each other more than the bad guys. About halfway through, the Hulk goes on a rampage, and the other heroes must work together to bring him down. At the end, the aliens known as the Chitauri attack, forcing the team to put their differences aside and come together as a team to save the Earth.
So far, so good. But that’s about as adaptable as the Ultimates saga gets. Unlike the cinematic Avengers, The Ultimates present a very different (and incredibly cynical) view of superheroes. It’s too dark and disturbing to ever imagine seeing onscreen. Ultimate Captain America is a xenophobe. Ultimate Hank Pym brutally beats his wife, Janet, putting her in the hospital. Ultimate Hulk straight-up eats people.
As the Ultimate line goes on, things get even worse. While readers had some hints before, The Ultimates 3 outs Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver—brother and sister—as lovers. In Ultimatum, the X-Men villain the Blob eats the Wasp. Hank Pym responds in kind, using his size-changing abilities to get revenge by biting Blob’s head off. Most of the X-Men die, the Fantastic Four’s Reed Richards turns evil, and Manhattan is more or less annihilated. Even without the spousal abuse, incest, and graphic violence, the whole story is too dour for Marvel to put on the screen. People like to root for their heroes. The Ultimates makes that more or less impossible.
Punisher: Fade to White
These days, Frank Castle’s very busy over on Netflix, but it’s not inconceivable that he’ll return to the silver screen some day. Just don’t expect him to look quite like he did in The Punisher #60 through #62. Previously, the Kingpin concocted a plan that sent the Punisher to prison, where he was mutilated by his longtime foe, Jigsaw. Castle escapes, of course, but his face is in tatters. In short, he needs a new one. Bloody and beaten, the Punisher tracks down a plastic surgeon and requests a new look. “Change me so my best friend wouldn’t know me,” Frank demands.
The doctor complies. When the Punisher takes off the bandages, he’s a black man.
Yes, you read that right: in the early ’90s, Marvel editorial decided that turning Frank Castle, a Caucasian, black was a good idea. It’s as weird as it sounds. The police immediately pull Frank over for no good reason, and taunt him with racial epithets. He moves to Chicago, teams up with Luke Cage, and starts fighting drug dealers. Later, after the chemicals that changed the color of his skin wear off, Frank looks in a bathroom mirror and reflects on what he’s learned. “My changes have made some things clearer,” he says. “Seeing the individual past the color, to the crime. Crime doesn’t have a color. Neither does punishment.”
The story is supposed to be a comment on the prejudice and racism that black people in America face every day. It’s a noble goal, and everyone’s heart seems to be in the right place, but that doesn’t make it good. Putting a character in sci-fi blackface would never fly with movie audiences or critics, making this one story that’s best left in the back-issue bins—if not forgotten entirely.
Spider-Man: Reign
There is one big reason we’ll never see Spider-Man: Reign on the big screen. It’s not that the comic, which borrows heavily from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, is too dark for audiences (although watching Doctor Octopus’ mechanical tentacles tromp around New York with the good doctor’s rotting corpse still attached might be too much for a kid-friendly franchise). It’s not that Reign stars a decrepit, 70-year-old Peter Parker (although Marvel and Sony did just finish making Spider-Man a baby-faced high-schooler again in Spider-Man: Homecoming).
No, you’ll never see Spider-Man: Reign brought to life in cinemas because the whole story revolves around Peter Parker’s sperm. See, according to Reign, the radioactive spider that bit Peter and gave him his powers didn’t just change his blood. It infected all of his bodily fluids. Naturally, Peter is immune to the radiation’s side effects—but his spouse, Mary Jane Watson, isn’t so lucky, and over the course of their relationship, she inadvertently exposes herself to his poisonous seed. As a result, she develops cancer and dies. Peter (rightly) blames himself.
That’s why Peter Parker hangs up the webshooters. That’s why Spider-Man isn’t around when an authoritarian regime takes over New York and transforms it into a dystopian hellscape. That’s why ol’ webhead needs to come out of retirement and become the hero that the city needs—again. And that’s why Spider-Man: Reign won’t be hitting a cineplex near you anytime soon—or, realistically, ever.
Radioactive spider-sperm, people. It ain’t gonna happen.
Secret Empire
If you’re up on recent comic book stories, you’re familiar with Secret Empire, Marvel’s big event for summer 2017. Even if you’re not, you might’ve heard about the controversial premise in the press. Yeah, that’s right: this is the comic that makes Captain America a Nazi.
Okay, okay, technically Cap’s a sleeper agent for Hydra, but despite Marvel’s claims, that doesn’t really make anything better. Hydra debuted as its own evil organization, but became a Nazi-affiliated group two years later. Meanwhile, the average fan probably knows Hydra best from Captain America: The First Avenger, which depicts Hydra as part of the Nazi regime. The comic itself doesn’t do much to dispel fans’ concerns, either. After Steve Rogers infiltrates S.H.I.E.L.D., reveals his true nature, and conquers America in Hydra’s name, he rounds up the super-powered Inhumans and ships them off to concentration camps. Even if Hydra-Cap isn’t a Nazi by name, the parallels are too strong to ignore.
Hydra-fueled takeovers of America appeared in the MCU twice already (once in Captain America: The Soldier, and again in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. season four), making a third occurrence incredibly unlikely, but that’s not really the point. These days, real-life Nazis—some of whom proudly wear Captain America’s gear—are an actual problem. Secret Empire received plenty of criticism from the comic book community. Marvel’s not going to court that kind of controversy by repeating the plot in theaters, and won’t risk tainting one of its most popular characters for a cheap and tacky stunt. Count on it.
X-Treme X-Men
Marvel’s movie division gets many things right, but onscreen diversity isn’t one of them. Iron Man launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe in 2008, but it won’t get a film with a solo female lead until 2019’s Captain Marvel, the 21st movie in the series. Fans looking for LGBTQ representation will (probably) have to wait even longer. While Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn hinted that current Marvel characters could be gay and we just don’t know about it, the studio doesn’t have any plans to introduce a visibly gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender superhero any time soon—at least, not any that we know about.
Even if an existing Marvel character ends up being queer, it probably won’t be one of the main ones. Don’t look to Fox to step up, either. X-Treme X-Men, for example, could be a fun spinoff in Fox’s ever-growing X-Men line. A team of inter-dimensional X-Men on a mission to rid the multiverse of Professor X’s evil doppelgängers is a fine premise for a movie. It’ll never be adapted—at least not faithfully. See, in X-Treme X-Men, General Howlett—i.e. Wolverine—is gay.
With Hugh Jackman stepping down from the role that made him famous, now’s the perfect time for an alternate take on Wolverine. Still, that’s going to be a hard sell for audiences, and an even harder sell for Fox. A gay Wolverine would present an excellent opportunity for a talented filmmaker to dissect and explore one of the most popular superheroes ever created. It’s also going to make the movie a hard sell for audiences, and an even harder one for Fox. In short, we’re not holding our breaths.
Starfox
You know Thanos, the wrinkly-chinned, purple bad guy who’s been pulling the strings from behind the scenes since at least The Avengers? Yeah, well, he has a brother, but you’re not likely to see him onscreen any time soon. Ignoring a potential trademark dispute with Nintendo, here’s why: Starfox is an utter, unrepentant creep.
See, while Thanos has super strength and endurance, hyper-intelligence, unparalleled hand-to-hand combat skills, and a whole bevy of psychic powers, Starfox really only does one thing: he makes people like him. Really, really like him. Technically, he stimulates the pleasure centers of people’s brains, which in turn makes them attracted to him. In practice, Starfox is a walking, talking aphrodisiac who uses his powers to score as much nookie as possible. Heck, his real name isn’t even Starfox. It’s Eros. That says pretty much everything you need to know.
Starfox is so bad that She-Hulk even took him to court, where he was tried for sexual assault (His father whisked him away to his home planet, Titan, before the jury reached a verdict). Maybe Starfox’s power seemed innocuous when he debuted in 1973, but in today’s world, a superpowered roofie does not a good hero make. When Thanos reveals his grand scheme in Avengers: Infinity War, don’t expect to see Starfox by his side—at least, not if Marvel has any sense at all.
Sins Past (and Sins Remembered)
The Green Goblin might be Spider-Man’s arch-nemesis, but don’t expect Norman Osborn to grace theater screens any time soon. According to Spider-Man: Homecoming producer Amy Pascal, Norman and the rest of the Osborn family will be confined to the comic book pages for the foreseeable future. He’s already played out. As she put it, “I don’t know how many more times we can do the Green Goblin.”
For the Goblin’s diehard fans, that’s bad news, but there’s one silver lining. Norman’s absence means there’s no way that “Sins Past,” J. Michael Straczynski and Mike Deodato Jr.’s controversial Amazing Spider-Man arc, will ever get a big-screen remake. That’s very, very good, especially considering “Sins Past” is undoubtedly the ickiest storyline ever introduced in Spider-Man’s main continuity.
See, according to Straczynski and Deodato, Spider-Man’s girlfriend Gwen Stacy had a brief fling with Norman—i.e. the guy who killed her—while vacationing in France. As a result of the encounter, Gwen gave birth to twins. It’s not only the age difference between Gwen and Norman that makes the story so bad, although that’s pretty gross. It’s not only that Mary Jane knew about the affair and didn’t tell Peter until the twins come knocking at his door, or that Gwen lost her virginity to the Green Goblin and not her long-term boyfriend. It isn’t even the way “Sins Past” re-contextualizes Gwen’s death, more or less removing Spider-Man from the equation.
No, it’s that in the follow-up storyline, “Sins Remembered,” Peter makes out with one of the twins because she kind of looks like Gwen. Kissing the daughter of your long-lost love and number one villain while you’re married to someone else? That’s bad. Comic book readers didn’t tolerate it (eventually, the whole affair was retconned out of existence). Chances are, movie audiences wouldn’t, either.
Thor: Vikings
Chris Hemsworth is a good looking and funny guy, and the first two Thor movies coast on his charisma alone. But even Hemsworth’s dreamy smile and strong sense of humor couldn’t make Thor: Vikings work onscreen. As writer Garth Ennis (the man behind resolutely not-safe-for-work yarns like Preacher, The Boys, and Crossed) and Glenn Fabry’s superhero adventure reminds us, the ancient Norsemen weren’t wisecracking swashbucklers like Thor and his comrades. They were hardened warriors with a mean streak a mile long, and Thor: Vikings revels in it.
Remember, this is the comic that opens with a Viking horde razing a Norwegian village, and then sends the invaders to modern day New York, where they rape, pillage, and murder their way through Manhattan as undead conquerors. They drive a spear through the mayor on live television. They block the streets in SoHo with piles of severed heads. Even Thor has trouble stopping them, especially after they snap both of the thunder god’s arms, chain his hammer to his neck, and chuck him into the Hudson river.
While the differences between Thor’s fairy tale world and the violent, unforgiving nature of real-life Vikings makes an interesting contrast, Marvel seems to be moving in the opposite direction with the colorful and otherworldly Thor: Ragnarok. Even if it weren’t, Thor: Vikings is just too violent for mainstream moviegoers—even dedicated gore-hounds might find some of the gruesome antics stomach-turning. With Ennis at the helm, we wouldn’t expect anything less.
Deadpool: Killustrated
Deadpool isn’t a bad guy—well, not entirely—but he’s also got no problem with violence, especially when someone else is on the receiving end. He’s a mercenary in a world full of supervillains. Sometimes, gore is going to happen. It’s just part of the job.
Deadpool’s zany sense of humor and complete disregard for heroic norms make him a breath of fresh air in the world of stuffy, uptight superhero morality. That’s why he’s so popular. But there’s still a line, and Deadpool’s been known to cross it. Not only has he killed the Marvel Universe—twice—but in Deadpool: Killustrated, the Merc with a Mouth hunts down and murders characters from pieces of classic literature.
And yeah, it’s funny (kind of) to watch Wade Wilson scoop out Don Quixote’s eyeballs, spread Tom Sawyer’s blood all over the boy’s newly painted fence, feed Mowgli to Shere Khan, gut the Little Mermaid, and blow up the Little Women (yes, all of ’em). It’s also very, very dark, even for Deadpool. On the page, Deadpool: Killustrated’s violence doesn’t seem any worse than a particularly depraved Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, and while the gag runs thin—four issues is a lot for a single joke—it’s bearable. Translate that story into live action, however, and it’d be positively traumatic.
Many people grew up on these stories, and watching Deadpool murder beloved children’s characters—most of whom did nothing wrong—would almost certainly turn the audience against him. If Fox wants to keep the Deadpool cash trail chugging along, they’ll keep Deadpool: Killustrated as far from the silver screen as possible.
JLA/Avengers
The Avengers proved that superhero crossovers could work just as well in theaters as they do in comic shops, paving the way for three more (and counting) Avengers flicks, Captain America: Civil War, and Spider-Man: Homecoming, as well as DC-flavored team-ups like Batman v. Superman, Suicide Squad, and, most importantly, Justice League. But, these days, interconnected superhero universes are old hat. We’ve seen it all before. In fact, there’s only one big superhero crossover left on our wish list: put Marvel’s Avengers and DC’s Justice League in the same movie, let them fight it out, and see who comes out on top.
It’ll never happen. Letting DC and Marvel characters share the same screen would be like McDonald’s selling a Whopper, or Coke deciding to line grocery store aisles with Diet Pepsi, or the USS Enterprise dogfighting with the Millennium Falcon. The corporate overlords at Disney and Warner Bros. won’t ever give their competition such a big boost—at least, not on purpose—even if fans would literally kill to see it happen.
That’s a shame, too, because the source material’s already given both studios the perfect template for a box office-shattering blockbuster. JLA/Avengers (also known as Avengers/JLA) tells the story of an epic clash between Earth’s mightiest heroes and the League, who, as per tradition, duke it out before teaming up to stop a timeless evil. Written by accomplished superhero scribe Kurt Busiek and illustrated by the legendary George Perez, JLA/Avengers could be the superhero movie to end all superhero movies. But it won’t be. Not only would the rights be a nightmare to untangle, but after a team-up like that, there’s nowhere to go but down.
